A Big Family?

I saw a post recently about things a mom of a "big" family would want you to know and it got me to thinking.
Does having four children mean I have a big family?  The original author of the post has five children, just one more than me.  I really don't feel like our family is that big.  We only have four children.  Six of us total, including my husband and I.  I don't drive a bus.  We all fit in a standard SUV.  Granted it is full of car seats but still a regular SUV.  I don't live in a mansion, just a regular house.  There is some room sharing in our house, but is that such a bad thing.  My mother is one of four children and my mother in law the youngest of six.  Were those big families?  I really don't feel like we are that big.  I know plenty of other families with four or five children and many more with three.  And four is just one more than three.  This is just normal for us.  That is, until I go out in public.  Then the stares, sighs, and unsolicited comments begin.

Here are the original 12 things as originally posted.  To see the original post click here  I've added my own thoughts as well.

1.  Please don't consult my kids if we're going to have more.  We don't consult them.

2.  Yes, we know what causes this.  No, we don't want to hear your thoughts on family planning.

3.  Please don't stop me in the grocery store to tell me how busy I am.  I know I'm busy.  You know I'm busy.     So can I please get out of the cereal aisle before my 2 year old spots the fruity-o's?

4.  Having a large litter of children doesn't mean I am particularly patient, or organized, or rich.  What I can tell you for sure is I am far more patient and organized (and slightly less rich) than I was when I started having kids.

5.  We don't look down of you for having less kids.  You really don't need to preface every comment about how tired/frustrated/stretched to your limit you are with words like "well, I only have 2 but ..."  I remember having 2 kids....I was exhausted and it was hard.  No matter how many kids you have, they required everything you know you can give and then some.

6.  Please please PLEASE don't make my children feel like freaks.

7.  Don't compare us to the Duggars.

8.  I would like to reiterate:  Yes, we know what causes this.  Every time I leave the house I hear this question AT LEAST 3 times.  It stopped being funny a long time ago.

9.  Please like to say "kids are such a blessing" in one breath and "but you're done, right?" in the next.  Don't

10.  Friends:  I know you don't have enough chairs to invite us over for dinner.  Invite us anyways.  Please.

11.  For goodness sakes, don't pity me.  This is by far the most mind boggling reaction we receive.  I am wandering contentedly through the grocery store with 5 healthy happy kids and people tell me that they feel sorry for me?  From where I stand, we are pretty stinkin' blessed.

12.  Oh, and Yes....we know what causes this.  See, it starts to lose it's humor pretty quick, doesn't it?

Having four children was not something I ever thought I would do.  But now that I have four happy, healthy children I am so thankful for each and every one of them.  I feel so extremely blessed to have them in my life and privileged that I get to be their mommy.  That being said, I can totally relate and have experienced all but one of the above.  My children are a little young to be asked if we are having any more children.  I feel judged and pitied every time I go out in public with my four in tow.  I felt that way when I was pregnant with my huge belly and my three in the cart and I feel that way now, minus the pregnant belly but with a baby carrier in my cart.  Yes, people stop and tell me how adorable my children are and that children are such a blessing, but they also stare at you like you are insane for having that many children in the first place.  It is kind of like those judgmental stares you receive from non-mothers.  I will admit I probably judged stressed out mothers I saw in the stores dealing with their children's meltdowns while just trying to get the grocery shopping done.  Or judging those mothers who had their babies out at an upscale restaurant for a late dinner.  I mean, shouldn't that baby be home in bed.  I know I have thought it and probably said it more than once.  But then I became a mom.  Now, I try my hardest not to judge other moms who just trying to get through the day.  I say try, because it would be dishonest to say I have not had one judgmental thought about another mom, or dad, since I became a parent.  But now that I am a mom, and a mom of four children under the age of 5, I am much more tolerant and understanding that I was before.  I guess that's what bothers me most about the stares and comments I receive.  Most of them are from other mothers.  The ones from young teenagers and 20 somethings I can brush aside with the thought that they don't know what it is like to be a parent and will understand one of these days.  But other mothers should know better shouldn't they.

I think being asked if we know what causes all these children is the one that bothers my husband the most.  I think he is just not sure how to respond and let's face it, it is kind of an uncomfortable subject.  The fact that we had such a hard time having children in the first place and each gave up a lot and jumped through hoops to have them makes it even more uncomfortable for him.  I keep telling him that he should respond back with some smart-alecky comment about how fertility treatments and medical intervention is what causes babies.  Make other people feel as uncomfortable as they are making him feel, but he won't do it.  He is taking the high road.

 I'll get off my soap box now.  But for the record, please don't pity me.  I get four times the hugs, kisses, smiles, and I love you mom's.  I chose this life and I love it.