It has started. We are searching for a school. John David will be going to Kindergarten next year and the search is underway to find a place for him. This search is something I both look forward to and dread. I want to find the perfect place for him. I want him to love going to kindergarten and his new school as much as he loves going to St. Mark's. Honestly, if St. Mark's added an elementary school I would leave him there. He loves it there. All three of them do. It is a loving, nurturing wonderful place that has helped him learn and grow so much over the past 2 1/2 years.
To be honest, this kindergarten search is something I didn't think I would have to do. When husband and I made the decision to move back to Arkansas when John David was born I thought the school decisions were made. We would send him to the small parochial school where we and the rest of my family attended church. I attended elementary school there as did both my brother and sister. My mom taught there. My dad was on the school board. And even though we would have to pay tuition, it was a done deal. It was important to me, and husband, and we would have found a way to pay for it. Unfortunately, this beloved school is no longer an option. After 54 years in operation, the church made the decision to close the school. The church's decision was not one I agree with and I was and continue to be heartbroken over it. I am healing, slowly, and now that I am looking for a new school for my children, the pain and heartache from the school's closing is again fresh and raw. I knew in my heart it was the right place for my children. There they would have been nurtured and grown to their fullest, brightest potential. But I can do nothing about the school's closing. All I can do now is try to find a school that will hopefully do for them what my beloved Cathedral School would have.
And so we search.
We have already visited our zoned public school and while I hear lots of wonderful things about it, and know lots of parents and children who love it, and know there are definite positives to public school, including we wouldn't have to pay tuition, I am still unsure about it. I will admit to having a bias against public schools. I never attended a public school until I was in graduate school. All through elementary, junior high and high school I attended private, parochial schools. As an undergraduate, I attended a private liberal arts college. It wasn't until getting my master's degree that I attended a public university. So I will admit to being biased towards private school. It is what I know and what I experienced and I honestly believe I got a wonderful education and made life long friends that are more family than friend because of my attending private, parochial schools. That being said, I am not opposed to sending my children to public school if I believe that is what is best for them, both academically and socially. I just have concerns. Although I hear lots of wonderful things about our public school I do hear some not so great things, including some not so great things about some of the teachers. From what I have heard, there are two of the four kindergarten teachers that I absolutely would not want my children to have, particularly John David. I just don't think he would respond well to them or do well in their classrooms. Plus, while I know it is comparatively small, just 4 kindergarten classes with 20 children each, that is much bigger than St. Mark's and bigger than many of the parochial schools in the area. I know there are positives to both a "bigger" school and a school with only one kindergarten class.
We have also visited one of the Catholic schools here in town and have tours set up to visit other parochial schools in the area. The school we have already toured we really liked. It has the small, family like atmosphere that The Cathedral School had, which puts me more at ease. We know some families and teachers at this school and hear wonderful things. They are all very happy there. Some of our former Cathedral School family is at this school and they love it. Here there is only one kindergarten class. Everyone knows everyone. There is more opportunity for one on one interaction. Here we know the kindergarten teacher and have no worries about John David being in her class. There are lots of positives. There are also negatives. It costs money. Compared to lots of other parochial schools in town, it is relatively inexpensive but it still isn't "free" or at least already paid through with my tax money like public school is. And while thinking of sending one child there isn't overwhelming, the thought of paying tuition for four children IS. I know. I made the decision to have four children so I have to pay for them. I know this. And knowing this I would still have every one of my babies. It is only money after all. But when you are thinking about having a baby or about having another baby, somehow you don't think about paying tuition times 2 or 3 or 4. There are also downsides to being in a school that small and I recognize that.
The whole school decision is causing me lots of mommy stress. I know all parents want to do what is best for their children. I know I am not the only one who is worrying about where to send their children to school. I guess I should feel lucky that I have options, good options. I just worry. It is one of the things I am best at doing. I worry that whatever decision we make it won't be the right one. I worry we will make the decision with our wallet instead of our head, or our head instead of our hearts. I know we can always change our minds. I know we can change schools if the one we choose doesn't work out, or circumstances change. You just can't get that first kindergarten experience back. I don't want to ruin it for him. And so I am trying to stop worrying and put my trust in God and in my husband and myself. God gave me John David. He made me his mother and I know what is best for him. I have to trust that we will make the right decision for him. But sometimes, putting aside that worry just isn't easy for me to do.
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